5 Warning Signs that You’re Dating a Narcissist
- Charm Versus Manipulation
- Superiority Complex
Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is difficult to live with. In many ways, it is even more difficult to live with the person living with this disorder. Untreated narcissism can destroy relationships, especially those of the romantic variety. Commitment to treatment can work wonders, but only if both parties are willing and able to acknowledge the problem. Here are five signs that you might be dating a narcissist.
If you cannot remember the last time your partner asked about you or showed interest in something you wanted to talk about, this is the biggest sign that you are dating a narcissist. For a variety of reasons, people with NPD struggle with awareness of and interest in other people. While this stems from a place of insecurity, and possibly a childhood devoid of attention, it nevertheless creates big problems in relationships. If more than half of your conversations with your partner center around him or her, his or her life and interests, and his or her thoughts and feelings, seeking help for NPD might be the only way to resolve this issue.
2. Charm Versus Manipulation
If you are in a relationship with this person despite their self-centeredness, it is probably for a good reason. Think back to how they won you over in the beginning, and the word charming probably comes to mind. Narcissists tend to be highly charming and even romantic. They know how to sweep you off of your feet. However, if over time, you have come to realize that these grand gestures always come at a cost, you may be dating a narcissist. They struggle to do things for others simply to make others happy. Rather, they usually have a self-serving goal in mind.
Part of the charm of narcissists is their skill with words. They talk a big game, and they talk their way out of many of the things they do to hurt the relationship. If your partner lacks dependability, reliability, and follow-through in your relationship, they might have NPD. Part of this trait comes from a fear of commitment. Commitment and being able to count on your partner are essential for healthy relationships, so the only way to save a relationship with a narcissist is for them to seek treatment for this condition.
4. Superiority Complex
If your partner puts you and others down frequently in order to make him or herself look better, this is further reason to believe NPD is at play. On the surface, narcissists appear highly critical of others and extremely egotistical. They highlight their own perfections and flaws in everyone else. While this is usually another manifestation of foundational insecurity, it is nonetheless an impossible trait to live with for long. Psychology Today offers further insight into the link between insecurity and narcissism.
A final major sign that you are dating a narcissist is impulsivity. In the beginning, you may have adored your partner’s spontaneity, but over time, it has come to cause problems. Narcissists demand instant gratification and frequently create disastrous situations by engaging in risky behaviors. They lack the ability to either foresee or care about negative consequences, especially those that only affect other people. Building a life with someone definitely relies on a certain amount of excitement, but it also depends on planning and trust in each other’s decisions. These are concepts that narcissists struggle with.
If these five signs are ringing bells about your relationship, be aware that they may be alarm bells. Narcissistic personality disorder will only continue to widen the gap between you and your partner. The decision to get treatment has to be theirs, but the decision to no longer tolerate narcissistic behaviors is entirely yours.